Just last week, koreaBANG covered the netizen reaction to recent research by a marriage company on the economics of Korean dating, or soget’ing. And already, the first Soget’ing-nyo (which we’ve translated as “Date Girl” for simplicity’s sake) is on the scene, adding to our increasingly rich tapestry of Ladygate scandals, as South Korean women go against the archaic social expectations of a wise mother, good wife. And while in this case netizens are certainly not suggesting a return to tradition, they are also not going to let soget’ing-nyo off lightly for her lack of dating etiquette.
An article in the Segye Ilbo reported the shock expressed by netizens when they discovered how the woman had behaved on the date. Following a soget’ing outing, the next day a man and woman had a text conversation on Kakao Talk, where the woman revealed precisely why the date had not been as successful as it might have been, much to the man’s surprise. Now, as all good koreaBANG readers know, it is considered favourable for the woman to at least offer to pay for coffee if the man has been emptying the coffers all evening in an attempt to impress her. But here is the conversation that was recently posted on an online community message board [click the images for the original Korean]:
The Segye Ilbo article further noted that the man became increasingly frustrated since despite his best efforts to please her, the woman refused to return any of his calls. However, the article also detailed that in general, netizen reactions were in favour of the man:
That kind of woman is just one type. Most women, the majority of them, would think it reasonable manners to pay for coffee if the man had bought the meal.
How shameful if a woman became rich by saving on the coffee bill
Some women, who think in the wrong way, seem to believe that it’s manners for men to spend money on them
Doesn’t look like those two would make a good couple.
As you can see from the KakaoTalk messages above, the woman really could’t understand how she might have offended her potential love match, associating being asked to pay for coffee with her inability to sucessfully woo a man to the point of bankruptcy. Where might this idea come from? Although some have argued that the root of the problem is the romantic fantasies that have bolstered gender inequality in modern Korean society, many are completely astounded that after watching her date fork out almost 100,000 won (around $85) in a single evening, she was insulted to be asked to spend just 7,000 on the coffee.
And although the woman tells the man that he probably thinks she’s ‘childish’ for being so upset, the rumour amongst netizens is that the woman in question is in fact almost forty years of age. In a popular culture that values female youth, perhaps the time has come to re-think her strategy. Do women have a responsibility to begin changing the idea of women as being dependant on men? In short should they learn to pay up, or simply put out?
From Nate:
김승호:
I really want to slap her.
이용선:
This is the law of Botaculus, that appears in Boslam scripture [netizens have a whole ‘religion’ for boseulachi]…
When you go soget’ing 10: : 0
When preparing for marriage 8: 2
When you get divorced 5 : 5
[usually first figure is for man, second figure is for woman; divorce is the equalizer.]
최주연:
I’m seriously embarrassed that I’m a woman…seriously girl, you’re a princess?
이승민:
Standard comments for these bitches on Nate in Korea:
‘Your mother is also a woman’
”Don’t just take the minority and make it the norm.’
‘There are a lot of women who aren’t like that, ok?’
‘Looks like there’s a lot of women like that around you.’
‘You meet a lot of women like that because that’s your level’
‘Men are all like ~~ blah blah blah’
‘So don’t date women, then…’
‘Loser, you’ve got a major inferiority complex, and victim mentality.’
‘So I’m telling you that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.’
This is the level of number one Korean bitches these daysㅇㅇ
이미희:
I’m a woman, too, but this is like…all these girls do is take…
손재권:
Women’s beggar spirits…honestly, I have no answer for that.
오종호:
I heard this woman was 39…why is a 39 year-old still solo? I get it………
이재구
The problem is that kids like that are not exactly few in number….
황수광:
Speaking honestly, that woman! She’s not one type of woman! You guys say you’re not like that woman yourselves, and you believe it fully, but strangely enough you guys act like that without even knowing it yourself.
김형준:
These boseulgi have loads of friends that play a part in this. Even if she’s only dating one guy, it’s gotta be passed by the whole committee. From appearance, age, and earnings, right up to comparing him to others, he has to be thoroughly investigated. Despite that, in their early twenties they are organised along lines of appearance and age. When they get to their late twenties, they become some ridiculous royalty. When they get married, if they have a daughter the little bitch follows on from her mother and quickly becomes a boseulgi herself.
류정무:
The problem is not whether these women are the minority or the majority; seems to me that the problem is the way that relationships are formed between men and women in Korean society. The problem is that men have value for women if they receive a man’s love exclusively, or perhaps if they feel that they are more sophisticated than other women; for men, whether it it is sex, love, or money, a proactive woman is a pain in the ass.
This is a society where even if there are a forceful women, there are no forceful men. This is a society where if men fall hard then they succeed in winning love; if the woman falls hard she is stalking him. This is a society where you hear in the work place that men in high positions have talent, but where you hear that a woman who has a high position in a company is a bitch. This is a society where if men have a sexual appetite it is a natural phenomenon, but where if a woman wants sex she becomes a slut. In Korean society, in a society where it is burdensome to have a proactive attitude, the only thing you can do easily if you are a woman is become a wife. You meet a good husband, date a good boyfriend, and you get love. And this dependent relationship between men and woman becomes an inconvenient reality which is a fantasy for women, a novel for men. In upper class society, in the times when only men could advance in society, and in the upper class dramas that come out, if these are the best model for this romanticised fantasy, then the fact is that it’s going to be difficult to make this happen in reality. The seemingly endless despair of women’s social advancement and the young women of today, coupled with the polarisation of wealth [between men and women] means that for the generations who are dating now, from the man’s position women who expect things from them as in previous times are a burden, and the women are made burdensome. From the woman’s position, there appears a tendency to solve social despair with a Cinderella fantasy, as in previous times (dependency on the man). At any rate, even if men and women were to fight this out tooth and nail for a long time, since they’ll end up living under the same roof: women, please read the fantasy of Cinderella only as a fairytale, and become a modern protagonist in reality; men, you must recognise that women are a variety of protagonists, in the workplace, in the school and in the sports ground.
백상훈:
How is what they’re doing different from the homeless people in the subway station going ‘Spare any change? Spare any change?’
이진우:
The mentality of Korean women as I’ve understood it from this:
1.If they pay for something themselves it hurts their pride.
2.They have no thoughts of their own, their friend’s opinions immediately become their opinions.
3.Even if you are nice to them ten times, if you mistreat them once, they really hurt you.
4.They lack concern for their partner. (Because that’s just how they feel.)
선희경:
What the hell is this girl-_- Total fucking loser. If you can’t spare 7,000 won, don’t date men, you whore. No manners, no manners…
안지선:
This kind of woman is the type who even if she is in love for a short time won’t be able to get married for her whole life tut tut Like I care
장훈혁:
Ah, seriously, yesterday there was this article where the man and a woman were dating and the man had spent 900,000 woman over four days, and when he asked the woman ‘can’t you just buy dinner once’ she was like ‘what did you say?’ and though the woman thought it was reasonable to make the man pay, he reported her to the police. Is this kind of woman in the minority? Sure enough…wow…really, rather than there being a lot of strange women, maybe in Korea the way I think is strange…………
선희경:
What the hell is this girl-_- Total fucking loser. If you can’t spare 7,000 won, don’t date men, you whore. No manners, no manners…
김태경:
Though I work for the police now….my wife gave me money for books when I was studying for a whole year before we married, and paid for dates. Even now she serves me like a slave.
이서영:
This is a conversation between a 39 year old woman and a 41 year old man
박해근:
Why is it manners for the man to spend more money? I really can’t understand this. Seriously, someone please tell me the appropriate reason for this.
